The Last Of The Microsofts
by Timey Wimey Nonsense
Summary: When the Daleks and the Doctor-ahem, Apple and Windows meet on the street, things get a little crazy... Crack-fic!


**Title: **The Last of The Microsofts

**Summary: **When the Daleks and the Doctor-ahem, Apple and Windows meet on the street, things get a little crazy... Crack-fic!

**Starring**:  
>The Doctor as WINDOWS<br>The Daleks as APPLE

"Daleks!" the Doctor shouted in surprise.

All he had been doing was walking along, waiting for Amy and Rory to stop shopping. Or, rather, Amy to stop dragging Rory off shopping. Then, once again, he had seen a Dalek. How many times did they have to become extinct and somehow come alive again?

"What are you doing this time?"

"WE ARE NOT DALEKS! WE ARE FAR MORE SUPERIOR THAN DALEKS." The Dalek barked at the Doctor in reply.

The Doctor paused._ Another _breed of Dalek? Come on, they breed like rabbits, he thought. Or Sacrafellia from the Frozen Forest of Lei. They seemed the same as Daleks, same pepper pot shape, ringing voice, but apparently they weren't Daleks.

"Then what are you then if you aren't Daleks? You look like Daleks to me. Or are you just talking pepper pots with a funny voice?" he asked.

"DO NOT MOCK US. WE ARE THE NEW DALEKS-"

"Again?"

The Dalek ignored him. "-FAR SUPERIOR. WE ARE THE MIGHTY APPLE."

The Doctor's eyes widened. "No! It can't be! I hate apples, apples are evil! They are poisonous! Why can't you be bananas? Bananas are good! Wait, no, I haven't even_ had _bananas in this regeneration, scratch that. Why can't you be _Fish Fingers and Custard? _Now that would be great! And then I could defeat you by simply eati-"

"DOCTOR, DO NOT WASTE OUR TIME."

The Doctor grinned sheepishly. "Oh, sorry about that. Also, I forgot to tell you, I'm not the Doctor."

"EXPLAIN."

"Well,_ I am, _but I'm not. You see, I _used to _be the Doctor, but I've changed my name as well." he explained.

"WHAT IS IT THEN?"

"Windows!" he pronounced happily, straightening his bow tie.

The Dalek's reaction was much worse than he had anticipated.

"WHAT IS THIS TREACHERY? APPLE DESPISES WINDOWS. WE EXTERMINATE ALL WINDOWS. WE EXTERMINATE ALL MICROSOFTS."

The Doctor squirmed slightly. "Well, Dalek, Apple, whatever your name is, if you check your records, you'll remember that I'm the _last _of the Microsoft's."

"YES. THAT IS GOOD. WINDOWS IS UNNECCESSARY AND ANNOYING. THE UNIVERSE CAN BE SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT ANY MICROSOFTS.

"Hey! The universe _does_ need Windows! We don't need Apples though. Apples are _not_ cool. I can't _believe_that Davros Jobs invented you guys. And he invented these stupid iGenisis Arks too. They have no good games!" the Doctor protested indigently.

"WE DO NOT APPRECIATE YOUR DISLIKE OF APPLES. OUR SOFTWARE IS MUCH FASTER AND EFFICIENT."

"What? Us Microsofts work fine, thank you! And so do our TARDIS's!"

Even though the Doctor was sure the Da-_Apples_showed no emotion, he was sure this one snorted.

"WE DISAGREE. BESIDES, THE WINDOWS TARDIS'S HAVE VERY UGLY AND CONFUSING INTERFACES. WE PARTICULY DISLIKE THE CORAL THEME."

The Doctor looked put out. "Awww, that was my last self's desktop theme! Don't be mean to poor him! Anyway, what's with the iExterminate music player anyway?"

If a Dalek could sound shocked, it was right then. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? IEXTERMINATE IS THE MOST SUCCESSFUL MUSIC PIRATER OF ALL TIME. IT HAS EXTERMINATED BILLIONS OF MUSIC COMPANIES AROUND THE UNIVERSE BY PIRATING THE MUSIC, THEN EXTERMINATING EVERYONE. BILLIONS OF LIVES HAVE BEEN LOST DUE TO IEXTERMINATE.

"YOU CANNOT INSULT IEXTERMINATE WHEN YOU HAVE SUCH SILLY PROGRAMS SUCH AS THE SONIC OFFICE."

The Doctor, who had been listening sceptically for the Dalek's latest rant, decided to interrupt when the Dalek insult his precious Sonic Office.

He pulled out the Sonic Office itself, and aimed it right at the Dalek's eyestalk.

"If you_ dare _insult the Sonic Office again, I'll..." the Doctor broke off, leaning back. He had a mischievous smirk on his face, like he was planning something great and truly evil, but was simply contemplating the appropriateness.

The Dalek however, took its chance to insult the Microsofts even more.

"THE MICROSOFTS ALSO HAVE BAD ALLANCES. THEY-"

The Doctor froze. He glared at the Dalek, and all 900 years of his life, all of the pain and loss he has seen, were apparent in his eyes. His eyes were like the sun almost, burning and raging nonstop. The Dalek quivered slightly, but stood its ground.

"Did you just insult my companions?" he asked, his nose an inch from the Dalek.

"YES. US APPLES DO NOT FEAR YOU."

"What if I set River Song on you?" the Doctor asked, his eyes gleaming with malice.

The Dalek immediately moved back. It did something that totally made the Doctor's day.

"Mercy!" it begged.

The Doctor smiled. "Well..."

"Mercy!"

The Doctor's grin expanded even more. "Hmm, perhaps if you get me a fez, I might think about it."

Suddenly, the Doctor was interrupted from his bartering.

"Delete! Delete! Delete!" came a voice from the distance.

The Doctor started. He quickly turned back to the Dalek.

"Okay then! We'll have to meet up again sometime to discuss our deal! What about tomorrow? Tomorrow sound fine?"

He didn't wait for a reply. "Great! That's a date!"

The Dalek didn't reply. The Doctor's mouth dropped as he realised what he had just said. "No, no, wait a minute, not a date! I didn't mean it like that!" he added quickly, anxious to cover up his mistake.

Still no reply. The Doctor turned. The space where the Dalek had been just a few moments earlier was empty. He looked towards where the 'Delete' voice had come from.

There, in a great, almighty battle, were too all familiar robots, fighting to the death.

"You are incompatible. You will be deleted."

"YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!" the Dalek stated, like if was a fact of life.

And with one huge explosion, the Dalek shot the robot, destroying it completely. The Dalek then turned around, and hovered away on its new iMat.

Even after the Dalek was gone, the Doctor still stood there, dumbfounded. He'd had many weird experiences throughout his long life, but this definitely ranked among the top ten.

Suddenly, the Doctor heard a faint stomping sound in the distance. A marching sound. And, along with that, was the battle cry of 'Delete! Delete!'

"The Linuxmen" the Doctor whispered in shock. 

_Fin_

* * *

><p>Oh, and in case you didn't guess already, here is a small glossary on the name changes.<p>

Microsofts / Time Lords  
>Linuxmen  Cybermen  
>Sonic Office  Sonic Screwdriver and Microsoft Office  
>iGenisis Ark  iPad / iPhone, whichever you prefer  
>iExterminate  iTunes

**A/N **And yes, I know there is a real iPhone app called iExterminate, lol!


End file.
